Dale Carnegie – The 5 Essential People Skills

Name Product: Dale Carnegie – The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts
COST: $34.95
Author: Dale Carnegie
Size: 421.85 MB
Website: http://www.amazon.com/Essential-People-Skills-Yourself-Conflicts/dp/0743539850/

Dale Carnegie has done more than perhaps any other person to change  the field of human relations and personal development. His world-famous  program, The Dale Carnegie Course, has helped literally millions of people.

Looking back on his early years, Mr. Carnegie saw that worry and fear  were the two forces that prevented him from achieving his own personal  success. Conquering these two self-defeating emotions brought Mr.  Carnegie a new perspective and new success. As a result, he made it his  mission to help others overcome worry and fear so they could achieve  their dreams.

Now, with this book, you too can benefit from the  nine decades of insights into human relations that millions of people  have discovered from Dale Carnegie Training. After experiencing The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts,  you’ll gain the ability to focus on the factors that will move you and  your organization forward. You’ll discover and be able to apply these  proven practices, which will assist you in feeling empowered, respected,  and at ease in any business or personal communication. They will  improve your confidence while training you in the ways to get your  message across with greater esteem, power, and clarity.

The primary achievement of this book is to identify and explore five essential people skills: rapport building, curiosity, communication, ambition, conflict resolution.  But this is really just the beginning. As you’ll see, a number of  chapters extend and develop the five skills in new and exciting  directions. So, as you move through these pages, be flexible in your  thinking and proactive in applying the information you gain. Starting  right now!

To achieve maximum benefits from this book, don’t  procrastinate. We suggest that you simply devote five minutes (or more)  to begin reading. As you proceed through the book, be sure to complete  the Action Steps section at the end of each chapter. These exercises are  practical steps you can take immediately — in your work or with your  family and friends.

Whenever possible, give yourself a  deadline, and hold yourself accountable for following through on that  deadline. If you do not implement the action steps that you have mapped  out for yourself, this book simply becomes an exercise in reading. While  this is definitely effective, you will gain the full benefits that this  valuable book has to offer you by working through the action steps.  Make the life-changing choice to act upon your insights, ideas, and  strategies, and you will achieve results that you never dreamed of.

Text edition copyright © 2009 by Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.

Chapter 1

An Introduction to Assertiveness

Just over seventy years ago, Dale Carnegie published a book that  remains one of the most influential works of the past hundred years.  What’s more, it will probably be one of the most influential in the next  century as well. That book is called How to Win Friends and Influence People.  The title could not be much clearer, could it? The ideas that it  contains are every bit as clear, and as valid, today as they were in  1936, when the book first appeared. Although How to Win Friends and Influence People is a monumental document in the history of personal development, it was  a true groundbreaker when it first appeared. Before the publication of  Dale Carnegie’s book, the whole concept of people skills didn’t really  exist. Yet today we take it for granted that some approaches are better  than others in human interactions.

Dale Carnegie’s book put  forth timeless human relations principles that remain essential today.  In fact, their influence is greater than ever before. With the advance  in technology and the speed of business, those who master interpersonal  skills not only are a greater asset in today’s workplace but achieve  greater success. Computers and cell phones have made a big difference in  our lives, but the importance of effective people skills has not  diminished and it never will.

It really is impossible, however,  to discuss a topic like people skills (especially in a business  environment) without referring to the Internet, cell phones, and emails.  These things are everywhere. Where you go, they go. The new  technologies have certainly sped up the way things get done in the  modern workplace, but they’ve also raised the expectations of how fast  things need to get done. Today, people don’t say they need something  done tomorrow. They need it “yesterday.” It’s strange but true, and it’s  also something of a paradox. Work in many ways has become easier and  faster, but work-related tensions are probably higher than ever before.  Stress is everywhere and always — and we all know that when tensions  are high, the potential for friction between individuals rises  proportionately.

This is the reality we’re living in. There’s  no getting around it. This is the environment in which we must learn to  succeed. And when I say “we,” I mean “you,” no matter who you are or  what your career path might be. It doesn’t really matter what area of  the economy we are in, because the same forces are at play everywhere.  So you’d better get on board. Dale Carnegie said it very well: “No  matter what your line of work, even if it’s in one of the technical  professions, your degree of success depends on your ability to interact  effectively with other people.” Despite the fact that the technical  professions are now the most potent sector of the American economy,  those words still hold true.

Exploration and Selection

In the chapters that follow, we’re going to be looking closely at  exactly what’s involved in assertive interactions. Our exploration will  be quite selective. We’ve deliberately tried to make the subjects  covered in this book very specific and sharply focused. The purpose here  is not to say everything but to say a relatively small number of things  very well. There are already fine books on the market dealing with  conventional topics like effective listening or the keys to making a  good sales presentation. But why cover ground that’s been thoroughly  explored? Instead, we’re going to be looking at new areas, including  five in particular: rapport building, curiosity, communication,  ambition, and conflict resolution — plus other topics that are natural  extensions of these.

But there is one aspect of people skills  that can never really receive enough attention, because it’s the  foundation of every kind of effective human interaction.

We’re  referring to assertiveness: the ability to speak and act in ways that  naturally cause people to respond attentively and positively. It is the  basic core element that is at the center of each of the five essential  people skills. If you’re not prepared to assert yourself in a positive  and proactive manner, nothing else can possibly happen. So let’s begin  by looking at the real meaning of assertiveness in today’s work  environment — where you really must make yourself stand out in order to  get any attention at all. As this discussion goes on, we’ll see how  assertiveness differs from other, less effective forms of interaction.

There are a few things we can take for granted. Every human being, for  example, has the desire to be treated fairly. We may not feel like  fairness is happening, but at least fairness is something we want.  What’s more, when we feel we are not being treated fairly, we should  insist on being treated fairly. We shouldn’t just roll over on our backs  and play dead, although that’s more or less what many people do. To be  treated fairly we must clearly, tactfully, and effectively express our  preferences, needs, opinions, grievances, and other feelings. Nobody  else should have to do this on our behalf. We have a responsibility to  express our own needs. We also have a further responsibility to do so in  an appropriate and productive way. If we don’t do that, we are not only  depriving ourselves of what we deserve, we are also depriving the  people around us of the real contributions we have to make.

Putting Our Rights and Responsibilities into Action

Establishing reasonable parameters for being treated fairly is what  assertiveness really means. These are like traffic laws: Getting where  you want to go is important, but that doesn’t mean you can run all the  red lights. Assertiveness is the middle ground between the two extremes  of reckless aggressiveness and defeatist passivity. The genuinely  assertive person is neither one of these. Aggressive people are  self-centered, inconsiderate, hostile, and arrogantly demanding. They  drive people away. Passive people are weak, compliant, and disrespectful  of his or her own best interests. They also drive others away — except  perhaps for aggressive people! Between these two poles, however, are  people who know how to make their ideas known without preventing others  from doing likewise. Your task is to become one of those people. Men and  women who can do that are assertive people, and the purpose of this  book is to show you how to become one of them. Once you master this  skill, you will be doing what’s best for yourself and for everyone  around you.

That’s the broad overview. When we begin to look  more closely at assertiveness, however, the picture becomes more complex  and even paradoxical. It’s much easier to see what assertive isn’t than what it is.  While it’s easy to characterize people who are blatantly aggressive or  extremely passive, it’s not always simple to express exactly what  constitutes assertive behavior. This isn’t really an unusual situation  when talking about people’s behavior. Like many other important human  qualities, assertiveness is easier to recognize than it is to define. So  let’s look at the evidence. We’ll begin by looking at some real-life  situations in which the quality of assertiveness can come into play.

A Real-Life Example of Effective Assertiveness

Imagine that you’ve just completed an important project at work that consumed several weeks of your time. What a relief…       –This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


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